….I need to update this thing more often.

My life has been overwhelming, and I feel like I’m turning into an old lady. l guess it’s that whole ‘climbing the hump of the twenties’ thing. That, or I just don’t know how to have a social life anymore.

What do you guys do to keep yourselves motivated and energized during your free time? Now that I’m back working full-time, I leave my house at 8 am and get home by 5:30, and at that time, all I want to do is eat dinner and then be lazy until 10 pm, and at 10 pm I can’t even keep my eyes open, so that usually signals bedtime.

I don’t know what to do to get out of that rut. I’m not freakin’ 40, 50 years old. I’m in my mid-twenties, for crying out loud. I should be doing more while I’m young and childless. And I used to.

I just don’t know what happened to me….I’m in SUCH a boring rut.

By the way, what’s everyone doing for Easter? We are hosting it here. Food will be…Braised leg of lamb, salmon with dill sauce, mashed herbed cauliflower, Greek salad, and cake. Oh yeah, and wine. Lots and lots of wine.

And I am coloring easter eggs tomorrow! Yeah!

I am a woman, which means I am prone to bouts of crankiness. Bouts of emotion…and strong emotion, at that.

These past few days, there have been so many things that have gotten under my skin. My emotional nature has always been a weakness of mine, I’ll admit, but lately, it’s just seemed so overwhelming and my blood has just felt like it’s been boiling under my skin.

So, what’s more fun than a giant blog rant to welcome Blonde Ambitious back to the blogging world? You tell me, because I can’t think of anything…

Here are my latest annoyances. Feel free to weigh in on any of them.

1) Auto service/auto parts chain stores. They seem to think that because I’m a woman, they can try to charge me more, treat me like I’m inferior, and all-around insult me. Even when I have the Mr. call and ask questions about prices over the phone, and even when I bring printouts of the information they have on their website, they still try to tell me that no, that’s no longer their policy, and no, that’s not correct, and no, they don’t know what I’m talking about, the manager is not in, and they don’t give away things for practically free, because if they did, they wouldn’t have jobs! (Personally, I don’t think the kid I dealt with today at the Pep Boys should have a job working in service of any kind as it is. He clearly didn’t understand the meaning of the word ’service’ and talked to me as though I were a five year old.)

I called the Mr. to vent about this, and he asks me why I bother getting annoyed — that I don’t want service from a rude kid who probably can’t tell the difference between Pennzoil and Pepsi anyway, and to just leave and go somewhere else. I DID leave and I DID go somewhere else, but I totally intend to write a letter to their corporate office and complain. If you accept this kind of service, it means you’re saying it’s okay for people to act like this. And It’s not.

2) The neighbor across the street. He’s an uber-religious Polish Catholic and he’s CONSTANTLY preaching and judging. There’s nothing wrong with being religious, and I respect his religion, but what I don’t respect is all of these comments and talk about living in sin and temptation and my clothes and my cleavage. When I had my old car and parked on the street, he came up to my window as I was getting ready to leave and knocked on it HARD, scaring me nearly to death. He wanted to tell me that my car looked old and then proceeded to tell me all of the things he felt were wrong with it. He told me my car was not safe to drive and that I needed a new one.  Of course, this infuriated me because at the time, I was unemployed and wasn’t exactly focusing my efforts on getting a new car. Once again, mind your own business! Today, as the Mr. was leaving, I realized he forgot his work ID so I called him and met him outside around back to give it to him. As I walked outside, the neighbor was standing directly outside the gate on the side of our house, ON our property. I am in slippers, a long-sleeve t-shirt, yoga pants, and not wearing a bra. Not to mention my hair is a mess and I have a Biore strip on my nose, because it was earlier in the morning and I was getting ready to leave to run errands.

He says to me, “Where’s (the Mr.)?” and I tell him he is leaving now to go to work. I ask him very politely what does he need and why does he want to talk to him, and can I tell him something for you? He says no, and rudely insists I tell him why I need to know any of these things. I replied that I just wanted to relay a message if I could. He said that he saw the Mr. driving down the street and he tried to catch him. I explained that he is leaving for work and that he’s kind of in a hurry and that I would let him know that he (the neighbor) wanted to talk to him. The neighbor rolled his eyes and said “Yeah, like that’s going to happen.”

I simply walked away and gave the Mr. his work ID, muttering under my breath that this guy was a busybody son of a bitch. When I told him about my exchange with the neighbor, he told me that this guy had walked right in the house after him once before, before he had a chance to lock the door, triggering the ADT alarm. After hearing this, I deadbolted the doors.

He also told me that this neighbor told him to “avoid temptation” and be careful while he is “living in sin” with me and that my cleavage is a temptation to him (the neighbor) and that the Mr. needs to “keep me in line better” and I need more modest clothing. (He saw me wearing a somewhat low-cut tank top and capri pants over the summer, and I was going to North Avenue beach. What, am I supposed to wear a plastic trash bag when I swim? I don’t think so…)

If I ever see this man on our property again, I am seriously calling the cops.

3) The city of Chicago’s parking-ticket Nazis. The other day, I was parked about 4 blocks away from the Irving Park blue line after work on one of the side streets (Tripp, I believe) and it’s right by the YMCA. I’ve parked there many times before without a problem when I’d forgotten my parking pass for the Y. Apparently, they decided that they were going to make the street permit-parking only because the Y’s membership has EXPLODED and people are parking like crazy on that street now. Except they only put ONE permit-parking only sign on the entire block, and it was about half a block down from where I was parked, so there was no way I could have seen it unless I had driven further down the street, which I didn’t do because I had FOUND A PARKING SPOT and have parked on that street dozens of times before without incident. And they give me a ticket for parking in a permit-only zone. You better believe I took photos and contested that bad boy.

It would seem that there are a lot of rules in Chicago that seem to exist to protect the citizens, but are really only there to generate more revenue for the city. Like red-light cameras.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I feel much better.

I think I’ll have Thai food for dinner….

Idea taken from Classy In Philadelphia.

At the moment, I’m:

Reading A Wolf at the Table by Augusten Burroughs. I read Possible Side Effects a few months ago and became completely enamored with him as a writer and a person. He’s supposedly got no formal higher education, and he still managed to achieve his dream.

Listening to “Furnace Room Lullaby” by Neko Case. She’s got one of my all-time favorite female voices, and this is an older album of hers. Very old-school “country noir”….I’m not usually into modern-day country music, but her voice gives me the chills. Can’t wait for her new album to come out in a few weeks!

Watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, season 4. My favorite episode is the one where Larry David picks up the hooker so he can ride in the carpool lane. One of the greatest relaxation activities in the world is watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and eating Chinese food. Fact.

Dreading The start of the work week. My job is not at all stimulating.

Excited about Going ice skating in Millennium Park tomorrow!

Craving New York Cherry ice cream.

Thinking about how much I want to quit working and go to school full-time, and how I can make that happen without a billion dollars in student loans.

Wanting to go somewhere tropical and beachy.

Hoping that life gives me fewer lemons this year, and if I have to make lemonade out of ‘em, can I at least have some sugar?

Thank you to everyone who put in their 0.02 regarding my post yesterday, be it via email or by way of blog comment. I respect and appreciate everyone’s thoughts and opinions.

I definitely don’t think it’s EVERYONE’s move to snub those without a college degree. It just seems to happen quite often, especially in the professional world. And I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – lately, since we’re smack dab in the middle of a recession, I think employers have job-seekers by their proverbial balls. They’re not begging for good prospects right now, so they can be as choosy as they want to be, and it’s a little disheartening. 

Don’t get me wrong —  I have a job right now, and I know I could have it much worse. It’s a massive pay cut from my previous job, it’s not even full-time, and I have no benefits. But I have a desk and a computer and a chair, and most importantly, a paycheck of some kind. So I’m grateful, albeit a bit disgruntled.

How many people actually have a career or a job they TRULY love? I want to hear your responses on this. Who LOVES their job? Who feels fulfilled by their job? Who feels lucky to be earning a living the way they do, despite any stresses or difficulties they may face? For some reason, I don’t think there are many people in this boat right now, and I think the downturn of the US economy makes it just that more difficult.

I just wonder about all those little kids, sitting in their desks in elementary school right now, listening to their parents and their teachers and their older siblings telling them that they can be anything they want to be, if only they put their minds to it. And they believe it, and I hope they always believe it. I hope that the cynicism of their parents NEVER finds its way into the spaces of their growing minds, and I hope that whether or not they are fortunate enough to go to college, that they believe in themselves and find a way to do something they truly love.

If there’s one thing I’ve found during this hard economic time, it’s that I’ve been going the wrong direction. I had to have my world turned upside down before I could be headed in the right direction. I think I’m right-side-up now. Even if I don’t have the financial security I once had, I have realized that my life is about more than that.

So here I go again, back on the journey toward fulfillment.

Note: this is a rant I posted in the “resume” section of Craigslist, after some job-hunting (because I kind of want to work full time and have benefits) and reading about 40 of the posted resumes to see who I’m up against professionally.

Dear Craigslist,

Don’t get me wrong…I am a firm believer in higher education. My mind’s at ease knowing that my doctor went to med school. I’m pleased to find out that my therapist attended the University of Wisconsin, and that my lawyer’s a Kent alumni. For many who have a desire to succeed, college is the way to go. It’s the ideal path to take: graduate high school at 18, go to college, earn your bachelor’s degree, maybe hit up grad school….or go out into the working world and begin your climb up the professional ladder.

I used to think that what made people successful was ambition — having the passion and drive to succeed. Being motivated and eager and persistent and diligent. Working hard. Having a positive attitude. Being willing and open to challenges and using those challenges to acquire new skills.

But not anymore. Ladies and gentlemen, it seems that that all one needs to be successful is an $80,000 piece of paper. If you don’t have this pricey ornament, be prepared to be denied the opportunity to show the professional world what you’re made of, and be prepared for it to happen to you time and time again, even if you’ve been in the workforce for many years.

I have seen SO many Craiglist job postings for jobs as administrative assistants, jobs as sales reps, jobs as customer service reps that INSIST all qualified candidates have bachelor’s degrees. I’ve even seen some ads go so far as to say “We don’t care if you have work experience, as long as you have a degree!”

I have been working since I was 14 years old. Until I was laid off for about 5 months this past June through November, I have never NOT worked, and I have always been either promoted to leadership roles or given praise on my performance. I am still in my 20s. I’m intelligent, I have excellent writing skills, and most importantly, I am driven and motivated to perform well. I have exceeded expectations in nearly every job I’ve held, and even outperformed those who had the fancy academic credentials I lacked.

Yet people look down their noses at me when I tell them I haven’t gone to college. Not because I don’t want to, but because it’s never been something I could afford without working full-time, which would leave NO TIME for college.

To all of the employers who read this, and to all of the employers who post jobs on Craigslist: Don’t discount people like me just because we didn’t go to college. There are a lot of us out there, and a lot of us who have a stronger work ethic than anyone who went to college on their parents’ dime. Because we had to work harder for everything we got.

Don’t look for a piece of paper or a fancy name-drop. Look for a smile. Look for enthusiasm. Look for good skills. Look for success.

It can’t be defined by one expensive piece of paper, either.

So here’s my post for the 20SB January Blog Carnival.

Thanks to Mariah Carey, I thought about the romantic concept of forever at a very early age. Her “Daydream” album came out when I was 12 years old, and I distinctly remember sitting in the backseat of my parents’ car on a road trip the summer before 7th grade, listening to “Forever” on my Sony Walkman, headphones pressed tightly to each ear, as though I was afraid I might miss even the slightest tremble of longing in Ms. Carey’s voice. As I listened to the song, I imagined walking in the wooded area near my house with J, the boy that sat in front of me in class. The boy that was my friend. The boy whose smile made every weekday seem priceless. In my daydream, we were holding hands, and as the sunlight spilled through the trees, he turned to me and kissed me. And as this happened, all I could think to myself was that this moment, right now was good enough. I wouldn’t need to search for more than this, ever. I was content with a fine friendship, a simple smile, genuine love. Forever.

But that never happened. J and I never kissed, or even held hands. As a stupid 7th grader, I wrote him a letter telling him I liked him. And I gave reasons. I liked him because he was smart. I liked him because he could play the saxophone and he liked the Beastie Boys and he had beautiful eyes.

Somehow, I didn’t get the memo that 7th grade boys don’t like it when girls write them these kinds of letters. Or maybe I just didn’t care. J never talked to me again after that. Unfortunately, the karmic world cursed him by putting him in a zillion classes with me in 8th grade, and in the SAME HOMEROOM all through high school. I pined for J for almost 3 years before I got over him.

My first kiss happened when I was 14 years old. I was a freshman in high school, and I’d been hanging out with a girl named M a lot. M was 14 just like I was, but had had LOTS of boyfriends, and had even had sex. I had never had a boyfriend, or even a kiss. Anyway, M’s older sister (let’s call her R) was a senior at our high school. R was good friends with this boy (let’s call him K) who was in the art class adjacent to mine. K was also a senior.

K was smart, shy, and artistic. He was on the National Honor Society and he wanted to be a writer. One day, I went up to talk to K about his watercolor painting. I told him how beautiful it was and that I thought he was an excellent artist. We started writing notes back and forth, and before long, he asked me out on a date.

I remember sitting nervously in my room, thumbing through a Sharper Image catalog over and over and over again, waiting for him to arrive.

He picked me up outside my house in a maroon-colored Buick. He was wearing his seatbelt, and his smile cut through the autumn chill and warmed me up quickly. He gave me a set of watercolors as a gift.

We went to a restaurant for pizza, and he put his arm around me while we waited for a table. I felt lightheaded. No boy had ever seemed to like me this way before.

When we finished eating, we went to a party. It was Halloween weekend, and M and her sister were having a gathering at their house. It was not the typical rowdy high school party, however. It was filled with candles, candy corn, Smashing Pumpkins music, and bowls and bowls of chips. Bad horror movies played on the TV, and a game of pool was going on downstairs.

After a few hours passed, K and I went downstairs to play pool, which I am terrible at. After he defeated me twice, I sat on the pool table and we talked. Then, just like when I heard the Mariah Carey song, he took his hand in mine, gazed at me meaningfully, and kissed me as I sat on the pool table. And in that moment, I felt like forever could be real to me.

Of course, it wasn’t. K ‘broke up’ with me a month later in front of my locker, saying we were better off as friends. I walked with my shoulders drooping in sadness for the day.

And when anyone asked what was wrong, I just told them that my backpack was heavy.

It’s a new year. Well, it was 7 days ago. Happy new year, everyone. (I can still say that, right? I’ve heard you can say “Happy New Year” through the end of January before it becomes a faux pas. Not sure if I believe that, but anyway…)

The reason I haven’t been blogging much lately is because my life’s kind of been overwhelming me. I’m not exactly sure why, seeing as how I only work 30 hours a week, my job is pretty easy, and I’ve been relaxing quite a bit. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I’m the kind of person who hones in on every last detail. I’m fixated on ‘the big picture’, but I see it in a million tiny fragments.

Metaphor: You’re packing for a trip. You know you have this one big suitcase and somehow it’s going to fit all of your stuff, because it has so many times before, but you’re staring at the 11 pairs of shoes and the 9 pairs of jeans and the 6 bathing suits and the vast array of hair products and you’re trying to arrange the bag in your head. All the while, you’re panicking about how much stuff you’ve got and the struggle you’re going to have in trying to get it to fit in the suitcase. You know it will, but until it’s actually all in there, you’ll keep panicking and rearranging in your head.

That, ladies and gents, is how my mind works. And I don’t really have a problem with it. As much as I consider myself a creative type, there’s a large part of me that is VERY systematic. I love lists, I love plans, and I love order. And if I’m too busy trying to arrange things in MY HEAD rather than DOING something because I’m overwhelmed, nothing gets done.

Things I need to do in ‘09, AKA Resolutions:

–Lose 15 lbs. I’ve already lost 10ish, and I managed to keep my weight in check over the holidays due to the cabbage soup diet (I lost 8 lbs on it, but after 9 days straight of drinking wine, eating cookies, and sitting on my ass, I gained the 8 lbs back.) However, if I could drop this last 15 lbs, I’d be at a good weight.

–Take a women’s self-defense course. I have a big mouth and I bite hard, yet being a woman living in Chicago, I’d still like to be a little more able to fend off attackers if my life were in danger.

–Break into journalism, full-fledged. I’m signing up to do volunteer work for ChiTownDailyNews, and I’m trying to get a few internships so that by the end of the year, I’ve got some decent accolades and can start to slowly dig my way out of insuranceland. Sadly, I have to hold off on going back to school, because they want $900 from me after financial aid and won’t let me pay it in installments. I don’t have $900 sitting around — I have bills to pay and nothing in savings anymore due to being UNEMPLOYED for almost 6 months this past spring/summer. And I don’t want a student loan.

–Repair my credit/take care of my debts. Enough said.

–Blog more. Network more. Make more friends. Be more social. I need more female friends, especially.

–Work out 3 times a week.

–Take a pilates class.

–Buy a really awesome pair of shoes.

What are your resolutions? Got any suggestions for me?

I’m sure you’ve heard of the Cabbage Soup Diet, right? Seven days of eating a fiber-laden, gas-inducing, salty lo-cal soup, along with various other odd combinations of food. For example, day 4 is Bananas and Milk day, and day 5 is Beef (or Chicken) and Tomatoes day…you get the picture.

Anyway, the Mr. and I decided we wanted to ‘detox’ before the holidays. Rather than fasting (which would cause me to become Ms. Ultra Crankypants), we decided to take on the cabbage soup diet, which promises a good cleansing of your system and says you’ll lose 10-15 lbs in a week! Now, the weight loss is not the primary reason we’re doing this, but it’s a nice added bonus (even if we’ll just gain some of it back during the holidays)

We are on day 4. I am DYING. I might as well be fasting with the limited amount of foods I’ve been eating. I’ve lost 6 lbs, though, and I’m wearing a pair of pants I haven’t been able to get into for a LONG time. All I can think about right now is hot wings and pizza and french fries and ice cream cones…

Sunday is the last day, and we have to go to a family holiday party on the Mr’s side. Italians + Holiday party + Cabbage Soup Diet = FAIL.

However, there is one thing I will note: I think we will be EXTREMELY grateful for our Christmas dinner this year.

Are any of you Chicago bloggers going to the Crave Holiday Shopping Party tomorrow? If so, let me know — I want to meet up with you! Send me an email and I’ll give you my cell #.

In other news, I am suffering from a big bad cold. Last year, my big bad cold turned into bronchitis, so I am being cautious not to do too much fun stuff. The holiday season is such a whirlwind, though, so it’s hard to avoid the fun. (And really, who wants to?)

I am in love with the new Vanilla Noir scent at Bath & Body Works. I received a pair of these socks as part of a lovely B&BW-themed birthday gift from my sister. I quickly became obsessed with the socks, and when I went to buy more, I discovered the intoxicating spicy-vanilla scented goodness.

Another winter luxury I’m enjoying is the Honey Lavender Mocha at my favorite coffee place in the world, Julius Meinl. Luckily, if you’re not in Chicago, they do have online ordering. It’s not quite the same, especially on a Friday night when they have a string quartet playing. Sadly, you cannot add the string quartet to your shopping cart.

….I realized something. Christmas brings out a few obsessions of mine: warmth and chocolate/sweets. All I want for Christmas is to be buried in cashmere sweaters and socks, eating Lindt chocolate and drinking coffee. Preferably by a fireplace.

It’s downright ironic that my blogging has become more sporadic during NaBloPoMo month — a month where, if I was participating, I should be posting every day. Ah well. I’m a rebel like that.

So, I had a birthday. With numerous surprises, including one romantic evening and one surprise party. Let’s just say that it was a memorable weekend, and that my house was a BITCH to clean up on Sunday with my awesome slight tequila-mixed-with-wine hangover. And I got a beautiful Bulova watch, too! (The Mr. collects watches and has a cabinet full of them in our house, so you might understand why he got me something like this. Plus, I can never find watches I like and/or that fit me because my wrist is small.)

I can’t believe I am admitting this, and on my BLOG, no less, but I secretly hoped that my surprise birthday stuff included a marriage proposal. I am stupid and mushy and retarded for saying that, and it’s not like I’m exactly overdue to be receiving one or anything, but…I don’t know. I just got a weird romantic twinkle in my eye the other day and I can’t seem to get rid of it. Maybe it’s the holidays; the cold weather, the apple cider, the fuzzy sweaters, the cuddling…you know. But I don’t anticipate anything like that happening anytime soon. I’m just a romantic puddle of sap.

I’m leaving for Wisconsin immediately after work tonight, to spend the long weekend at the Mr’s mom’s house. We are having Thanksgiving there and my dad is coming, too. We bought our own small turkey to cook alongside the big TRADITIONAL turkey, because we wanted to experiment. Here are the ingredients we are using for our turkey: bay leaves, thyme, garlic, PURE maple syrup, black peppercorns, coarse sea salt. My other suggestion was to make a turkey stuffed with bacon-wrapped dates. Instead, we are making those separately.

My family isn’t very cooking-oriented, and most of the time we end up going to a family friend’s house or another family member’s house, and all they usually ask me to bring is booze. In recent years, though, I’ve changed. I LIKE to be part of the cooking process now. And I look cute in an apron with my hair in a messy bun, if I do say so myself!

What’s everyone else doing for Turkey Day? And who’s going shopping on Black Friday? I stayed up all night the night before Black Friday and left for some stores at 1 am. I didn’t even buy anything, either — I just drove a few co-workers of mine who didn’t have a car.  It was stressful.

This year, I just want to relax, put up the Christmas tree, and drink hot apple cider. I’ll go shopping on a Wednesday morning before work or something.

Happy Thanksgiving.